...................of Alimony.

A mistake made by two persons for which one keeps paying.
---------------------------------------

……………of Alimony:

Bounty after the mutiny.      - Max Kauffmann
--------------------------------------

..................of alter ego.

Something that a pujari can get if he is not fully mature.
---------------------------------------

....................of ambidextrous.

Something I'd give my right arm to be.
---------------------------------------

...................of an activist.

He's not the man who points out the river to be dirty, but is the one who takes steps to clean it.
--------------------------------------------

...............of an actor.

A man who tries to be everything but himself.
-------------------------------------------

.................of an agnostic.

One who is not sure if he believes in God!
--------------------------------------------

................of an atheist.

A person who thinks that he is a scientific miracle.
-----------------------------------------

..................of apocalypse.

A small pocket-sized lipstick.
-------------------------------------------

....................of aromatic.

An automatic long-bow.
---------------------------------------------

..................of bachelor pad.

All the house plants are dead, but there's something growing in the refrigerator.
     Marshall Williams in Los Angeles Times.
-------------------------------------------

...................of balding.

Hair that is neatly departed in the middle.
----------------------------------------

.................of being besieged by un solicited fax messages.

Befaxed.
-------------------------------------------

.................of a banker

Someone who will lend you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but who wants it back from you when it rains, with interest.
    Mark Twain.
-----------------------------------------

..................of a bigamist.

One who makes the same mistake twice.
-------------------------------------------

.................of buttress.

A woman cream churner.
-------------------------------------------

.................of calfskin.

The nearest relations of a baby calf.
----------------------------------------

.................of a cannibal.

Someone who is fed up with people.
-------------------------------------------
...................of  older.

Something that culture over which a ruler of the name Smify
------------------------------------------

...................of childhood.

when you make funny faces in the mirror.

...................of middle age.

the time when the mirror gets even.
--------------------------------------------

...................of children.

Infants who grow in leaps and bounds, usually in the flat above.
----------------------------------------

...................of climate.

The only thing you can do with a ladder.
----------------------------------------

...................of Coat hanger.

A Pacific Islanders' car ariel. Ko tanga.
------------------------------------

...................of committee.

 A body that keeps minutes, but wastes hours.
-----------------------------------------

.....................of a conclusion.

It's simply the place where you got tired of thinking any more.

-----------------------------------------

...................of a corset.

An accessory after the fat.
----------------------------------------

.................of cosmetics.

A womans' means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.
---------------------------------------
 

..................of coward.

A man who thinks with his legs.
-----------------------------------------

...................of chancery.

A gambling den.
-----------------------------------------

...................of complete set.

Successful cement.
----------------------------------------

..................of a deep sigh.

Amplification for those who have taken austere vows of mauna and still try to get things done.
--------------------------------------------

..................of diplomacy.

The patriotic way of lying for a cause.
-----------------------------------------

.................of diplomacy.

.....the art of letting someone have you way.
------------------------------------------

.................of diplomacy.

The art of jumping into troubled waters without making so much as a splash.
-----------------------------------------

.................of a diplomat

“One who will tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will actually look forward to the trip.”
- Caskie Stinnet
------------------------------------------

.................of diplomat.

A person who thinks twice about saying nothing.
------------------------------------------

.................of discretion.

Seeing a situation develop. Putting two and two together and keeping your mouth shut.
-----------------------------------------

...................of a dyslexic agnostic.

Noe who is not sure if he believes in goD.
-------------------------------------------

.................of  Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniacs.

People who lie awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

--------------------------------------------

…………..of Dyslexic:

Incorrectly combining letters to words:

                By those suffering from it also known as
               Dixclesy, Slydexic, Cysdexlic and Delcyxis.

                  ___  _ _  _ ___ _    ___ ___ _  _
                 |   \| | \/ /  _\ |  | __/  _/ \/ /
                 | |  | |>  <  (_| |__| __\_  \   /
                 |___/|_|_/\_\___/____|___/___/|__|
                 /  _/ | \ \/ /  \| __| \/ /| |   _\
                 \_  \ |__\  / |  | __ >  < | |  (_
                _/___/____|__|___/|___|_/\_\|_|\___/_
               /  _\ \/ /  _/   \ __| \/ / |  | |   _\
              |  (_ \  /\_  \ | | __ >  <  |__| |  (_
               \___/|__|/___/___/___|_/\_\____|_|\___/
                 |   \ __| |  /  _\ \/ / \/ /| |/  _/
                 | |  |__| |__| (_ \  / >  < | |\_  \
                 |___/___|____\___/|__|/_/\_\|_|/___/
 
--------------------------------------------

.................of echo.

The only thing that can cheat a woman out of the last word.
--------------------------------------------

................of an economist.

Someone who thinks more about money than the people who have it.
--------------------------------------------

.................of an egotist.

A person who always has an uneasy feeling that people aren't watching them.
----------------------------------------------

.....................of employment exchange.

A place where your time is exchanged for slavery.
----------------------------------------------

....................of empowerment.

A magic wand management that unceremoniously often waves over those who by their sincere commitment and endeavour managed to do something wonderful, or is waved over survivors of the managements restructuring efforts designed to make those empowered feel like they're still doing the right thing despite the pain.
--------------------------------------------

.................of experience.

The name that people use to validify their mistakes.
--------------------------------------------

.................of fake memory lapse.

Shamnesia.
-------------------------------------------

.................of a fanatic.

One who has lost sight of the goal but tries even harder.
    Charlie Brown - Peanuts.
     (Dedicated to Shyamasundar dasa.)
------------------------------------------

..................of faucet.

What you are compelled to do if the lock is jammed.
-----------------------------------------
................of feminists

Equal Rights, I demand them!!! Because I'm a victim!!! Actually I'm better than YOU!
 
 

................of a fig tree.
 
 
 
 

A Biblical clothing store.
 

-------------------------------------------
 
 
 
 

.................of a financier.
 
 
 
 

One who invests himself with self importance and other people's money.
----------------------------------------------

.................of fashion

A form of ugliness so horrible that people give it up every six months
      Oscar Wilde.
---------------------------------------------

.................of  a garden weed.

A flower made by God, considered inferior to those hybrid, electro-chemical, pharmaceutical horticulturists.
-----------------------------------------

.................of genetic engineering.

Heir styling.
-------------------------------------------

................of Germanic.

A psychopathic Nazi from forty years ago, more precisely termed a germanic depressive.
------------------------------------------

................of gossip.

A person who suffers from rumourtism.
-----------------------------------------

................of gossip.

The only thing that travels faster than E-mail.
-----------------------------------------

...................of gossip spreader.

A person with large ears for hearing, small hands for grasping, and will swallow anything.
------------------------------------------

...................of habituate.

An irritating mannerism which you dislike.
------------------------------------------

..................of a half-wit.

Someone who works part-time for the Intelligence Corps.
----------------------------------------

..................of hard core.

A female Khalisthan terrorist. (Hard Kaur)
----------------------------------------

.................of honesty.

A person that you can play draughts with over the phone and beat.
-----------------------------------------

.................of honest politician.

One who when he is bought, stays bought!
-----------------------------------------

.................of horse sense

A thing that horses have that stops them from betting on people.              W.C. Fields.
-------------------------------------------

...................of  I.B.M.

Inferior But Marketable
--------------------------------------------

.................of idolise.

One whose eyes see the Deity as material.
--------------------------------------------

................of an Indian or Nepali bookmaker.

Himalaya of odds.
-----------------------------------------

.................of an I.O.U.

A paper wait.
----------------------------------------

................of Indicator.

A "Hindu" restaurant preparing meals for the non-Indians on a cash and carry basis, especially Bombay Duck !!!
-----------------------------------------

.................of Insurance.

Payments that keep you poor in life so that you can die in security.
-----------------------------------------

..................of intuition.

A strange form of instinct that allows a women to know that she's right whether she is or not.
--------------------------------------------

....................of jealousy.

The relationship which one woman shares with another.
--------------------------------------------

.................of Khaki.

An ignition switcher.
---------------------------------------

.................of laughing gas.

A scent of humour.
----------------------------------

.................of a lecturer

A person who talks in someone else's sleep.
---------------------------------

....................of Macintosh.

A computer with training wheels that you can't remove.
----------------------------------

.................of man

The only animal that blushes - or needs to!
----------------------------------

...................of mathematicians.

Mathematicians never die, they just reach their limit.

----------------------------------

...................of the three ring circus, marriage.

First the engagement ring, then the  wedding ring, then suffering
----------------------------------

.......................of marriage

It is not just a word; it's a sentence.
----------------------------------

..................of a mendicant.

A hopeless failure as a repair man.
-----------------------------------

...................of meek.

The people who will inherit the mortgage we leave on the Earth.
----------------------------------

....................of a Millionaire.

A very rich Malayalee (Million Iyer)
-----------------------------------

....................of modern day housing.

The way that some houses are built these days, the only thing left standing after thirty years is the mortgage.
--------------------------------------------

...................of mountains out of molehills

Done by a rumour monger who just keeps adding a little dirt.
----------------------------------

....................of Multitasking.

Screwing up several things at once.
----------------------------------

....................of a nagging wife.

A woman with an inter-feriority complex.
----------------------------------

....................of nostalgia.

Actually nostalgia is like an anaesthetic of maya: you experience no pain, only a beautiful haze. When your body grows older, and one looks back at the good old days, what matters is not the way it was, but the way you all remember it !
-------------------------------------------

....................of a neurotic person.

One who is always me deep in thought.
----------------------------------------------

....................of obesity.

Just deserts.
----------------------------------

......................of obesity.

Being abdominally challenged.
-----------------------------------

...................of old chemists.

Old chemists never die - they just fail to react.
-----------------------------------

....................of paradigm shift.

A euphemism that some companies and people use when they finally realise the rest of their colleagues, friends, fellow members, or competitors have rapidly expanded their perception, understanding, or preaching facilities while they are still habituated to doing as they did in the 70's and 80's.
----------------------------------------

....................of a pessimist

........as an optimist with experience.
----------------------------------------

...................of a philosopher.

One who instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself that it was four fifths water anyway.
--------------------------------------------

....................of philanthropist.

A person who returns to the people publicly a small percentage of what he stole privately.
-------------------------------------------

....................of PHd.

Pilled Hip deep !!!?
------------------------------------------

.....................of a politician.

Someone who shakes your hand before he gets what he wants, and shakes your confidence afterwards.
--------------------------------------------

....................of procrastination.

Putting off until tomorrow something which you should have done a fortnight ago !
------------------------------------------

....................of procrastination

A person with a wait problem.
------------------------------------------

.....................of psychoceramics

The study of crackpots !!!
-------------------------------------------

.....................of racial prejudice.

It's a pigment of someone's imagination.

------------------------------------------

.....................of reverie.

A Theological college.
-----------------------------------------

......................of rocket ship.

A piece of transport that is of no earthly good to anyone!
----------------------------------------------

.....................of rumourism.

A diseased condition in a body that inhibits the natural movement of the body parts.
---------------------------------------------

.....................of a sage.

A guy who knows his onions.
---------------------------------------------

.....................of a schizophrenic.

Someone who thinks twice before doing anything.
---------------------------------------------

.....................of a seed catalogue.

A Kernel Journal.
-------------------------------------------

.....................of sex.

If you've tried it, it's very difficult to give up; but if you haven't, you can't understand what all the fuss is about.
  Srila Prabhupad explaining the ladhu of lamentation.
-----------------------------------------

.....................of a Sikh scuber diver.

JULL-UNDER SINGH.
-----------------------------------------

.....................of a Sikh scuber diver who is better adapted.

JULL-UNDER SINGH GILL.
-----------------------------------------
.....................of slacks.

Garments that tighten up on most women.
------------------------------------------

.....................of a small minded community.

A place where folks talk about you if you don't do anything, and gossip about you if you do something.
--------------------------------------------

.....................of Software Independent.

 It wont work with ANY software.

(If only some people I know could come with pull down menus and on line help!)
----------------------------------------

.....................of someone with a big false ego.

A man who is always me-deep in conversation.
-------------------------------------------

.......................of spellbinding.

The cover of a dictionary.
-------------------------------------------

.......................of "Stressed."

Understanding why people over-eat, use food as an emotional crutch etc., comes to light when we realise that the word 'stressed' is really just 'desserts' spelled backwards.

-------------------------------------------

.....................of Supertax.

Capital punishment.
------------------------------------------

..................of taking an eye for an eye.

Something that has made the whole world blind.
-------------------------------------------

......................of tear-gas.

Being around someone who is habituated to eating mushrooms, onions and garlic.
------------------------------------------

.....................of termite.

A gurukuli who only stops at school for one term.
-------------------------------------------
......................of ded..

It is that element if this wasn't an archaeological gem enohim .

-------------------------------------------

......................of transparent.

A parent in a trance.
-----------------------------------------

.....................of trick photography.

Focus pocus.
-------------------------------------------

.....................of utilising principles. (unmotivated  - spiritual)

Books are the basis,
Preaching is the essence,
Purity is the force,
Utility is the principle.
-------------------------------------------

.....................of utilising principles. (other!)

Bucks are the basis,
Preaching is the excuse,
Purity is a farce,
Futility is the principle.
-------------------------------------------

......................of vision.

Management's  heroic guess about the future, easily and cheaply printed on stickers, pens, T-shirts, and posters "to make a buck."
------------------------------------------

.....................of Vital Papers

Papers which prove themselves to be so by moving to a place where you can't find them.
------------------------------------------

....................of the feeling of being wanted.

Seeing your picture come up on the T.V. program "Most Wanted" or in the Police Gazette.
------------------------------------------

.....................of wedding ceremony.

A funeral where you get to smell your own flowers.
-------------------------------------------

.......................of wedding ring.

A matrimonial tourniquet that stops a man or woman's circulation.
-------------------------------------------

.....................of a wife.

A woman who could easily be a M.P., because she's used to bringing bills into the house.
------------------------------------------

.....................of wisdom.

Knowing what to do with what you know.
------------------------------------------

* * *

A practical definition to eating more than required;

Once at a feast there was one man who's body was extremely fat, so much so that actually he couldn't even see the eating plate on the floor in front of him. Despite not being able to see the plate, this did not deter his gastronormous feats. When ever the servers came around offering another preparation he simply smiled gestured to the plate and said, ".......if there is nothing there please put something." Thus he went on in this way, eating!

* * *

Definitions of a krpana or miser.

Once in Jaipura which is on the edge of the Rajasthan desert there was a small fire that broke out by the side of the road, in the heat of summer. At this time there was a man coming out of his house looking for a place to pass water. Seeing all the symptoms of a man bursting to gain relief one man who's house the fire was next to asked the bursting man. "Sir could you please extinguish this fire when you relieve yourself ?" "I am very sorry," said the bursting man it will cost you! And an argument over the price ensued. For half an hour the bargaining went on, until finally the bursting man couldn't hold it any longer and accidentally passed in his dhoti rather than settle for the price offered by the neighbouring man.

Another definition of a miser is, one who would purposefully not pass air in public if he thought that it would benefit someone else.

Once there was a man who was asked by his friends why when all the great festivals in the Temple and even family samskaras were performed even though he was invited he would never attend. The only functions he would attend were the sraddha, requiem rites. Simply he replied that he was always willing to come for the feast at the sraddhas to benefit the departed forefathers, but at the other functions he would be obliged to bring some gift so he was always very busy !

* * *

Definition of miser's foodstuffs.

Once it was explained to me whilst living in India that there are three different kinds of Kitri according to three different circumstances.

Lapsi is prison kitri, it has no vegetables, no spices, no or little dhal, and little rice, but plenty of water.
 Then there is Jungli, this is when one is out in the jungle and cooks, there are not proper facilities so everything is half cooked. The few basic vegetables found on the forest floor, some roots, forest shak, no spices, little rice brought from home, and some half cooked dhal that was not soaked due to lack of water. This Kitri is thick and almost raw.
 Then there is Kitri, a rare dish with some rice, nicely cooked dhal that has broken up, pleasing spices, cut and cooked vegetables, slithers of fried coconut, cashews and a pickle or chutney to accompany it.

* * *

 Definition of miser's kitri -- Baniya ki dhal.

Once there was a devotee who had been invited around to a friends house for lunch prasadam. As they sat down to eat a plate was laid for him and then kitri was served. The host suddenly noticed that the man wasn't eating but rather was looking down at the dish with his tilted down as if he were going to dive in. The host asked him if he was alright. "Am I glad I got your attention, You see I was worried that because there is so much water in this kitri that if I fell in and nearly drowned, that you could pull me out by my sikha. So I first had to gain you attention."

* * *

A dedicated definition to some of the worms we know !

If a lover of reading is a bookworm, would a lover of cassettes be a tapeworm, embroidery a threadworm, geography an earthworm, jewellery a ringworm, fine Benares scarves a silkworm, of cloth a ragworm, and of open fires a glowworm.

* * *

Recently two members of an Indian restaurant, a waitress and a chef, were married and the guests threw curried rice over them.

* * *
Recently some of us went to Govinda's restaurant and sat out in the open air garden to take prasadam. The service was very good, the waiter was always hovering around the tables; but his helicopter blades knocked my hat off twice.

* * *
A graphic definition of Material enjoyment is like eating an orange with dry lips. The orange has some sweet taste, but the acid goes into the cracks in the lips and spoils the enjoyment. Or as it is sometimes also compared to like eating ice cream, or sweet rice with sand in it. The nice taste of the creamy milk is there, for all pleasure has it's origin in the Lord, but because of coming in contact with this material world, which is renown for it's faults and obstacles. True, pure, ever existing, pleasure cannot be tasted.

* * *

Deshi Jokes. (.... jokes from all over India)

Sindhi lawyer:  Case-wani
Sindhi lawyer after the case: Purse-wani
The blue-skier sindhi:  Akash-wani
Supplied in South Indian hospitals:   Nursing gum.

* * *

What is the very well dressed Malayalee called?

Debo Nair.

* * *

What is a dynamic Malayalee called?

Pheno Menon

* * *

Why did the Malayalee cross the road?

Simbly.

* * *

What did one Bengali voyeur ask another?

Keyhollo

* * *

How was wire invented?

Two Marwaris spotted the same coin.

* * *

What is a Sindhi who falls from the first floor window called?

Thadani.

* * *

What is a Sindhi who falls from the seventeenth floor called?

Kriplani.

* * *

What is a Sindhi who falls from the thirtieth floor called?

Marjani.

* * *

What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu?

I, Iyer, Iyengar.

* * *

What is a jiving Sadarji called?

Breakdown Singh.

* * *

What is the Khalisthani national drink?  Sabat Khalsa
What is the Khalisthani national bird?  Tandoori Chicken.
Khalasthani International Airline?  Kitthe Pacific
Their National Anthem?   Sten Gun Man!!!!

* * *
 

 more coming...........